Aut Viam Inveniam. Aut Faciam

My perfect girl I want a girl who gives good head .. and when I say head, I mean she gives me good knowledge. She gives me the knowledge I need to be a better man, plain common sense & academically ambitious.

I want a girl who will please me .. she’ll make me laugh, she’ll be my pride & joy.

I want a girl with big you - know - what .. a big heart.

I want a girl who will spread ‘em .. her fingers, because even if she has 2 hands to hold her own, she’ll let me hold them for her.

I want a girl with a big ass .. big assets that go along with her ambition for herself.

I want a girl who likes the good white stuff .. keeping her teeth clean & letting those pearly whites shine.

I want a girl who could care less .. about everything and anything that doesn’t have to do with her closest family & friends & goals.

I want a girl with big lips .. for her even bigger mouth to speak her mind & call me out when she needs too. not wants to ladies, needs to.

I want a girl who likes to fuck .. a girl who will fuck anyone up if they deserve it, she stands up for herself.

I want a girl who depends on me .. for love & support but for everything else, she’s Ms.Independant

I want a freak .. A girl who’s so comfortable around me, she’s just plainly weird.

I want to date one of the boys .. meaning, she likes to play my video games, she doesn’t mind if I do what I do and she’s just chill ‘bout how I am and who I am.

I want a girl who wants it hard .. she wants to get past the honey moon phase with me & get in the reality of relationships.

I want a girl who doesn’t love me .. she loves everyone, she loves the world and it’s wonders, she loves life.

I want a girl who likes to fuck around with the boys .. she likes to be around me and my boys and blends right in.

I want a girl with a huge chest .. where her oversized heart just seems to be popping out more than her tits are.

I want a girl who leaves me constantly just to come back .. she knows when to leave me to give her friends her time but knows when to come back to her man and keeps me close at all times.

I want a girl who lets me feed her bullshit .. just to spit it out and call my bluff to keep me in check.

I want a girl who doesn’t take me seriously .. she knows that I’m a man of laughter, and she just happens to be a woman who believes she is too.

I want a girl who is always trippin’ .. just because she trusts that I’m there to break her fall.

I want a girl who lets me run around with other women .. to know how to be a better man for her by turning to my bests who can tell me how to go to my girl as a more efficient and better man.

I want a girl who waits on me .. because she knows I’ll be home at the end of the day after whatever I’m doing and that me & her are a sure thing.

I want a girl who’s afraid of commitment .. so I can show her the finer things in life & she’s never worried ‘bout a god damn thing between us. She knows she can put her heart in my hands.

I want a girl who is a hoe .. so she can be proud to know I just turned her into a housewife.

That my friends, is a good woman.

DAY 01 - One guy who means alot to you.

DAY 02 - One girl who means alot to you.

DAY 03 - A possession that means alot to you.

DAY 04 - Something that you look forward to doing/getting.

DAY 05 - The best gift you’ve received.

DAY 06 - Your favorite memory that a crush has given you.

DAY 07 - Your favorite summer night in 2010.

DAY 08 - Something that upsets you.

DAY 09 - One goal or wish.

DAY 10 - Someone you’d like to meet.

That you don’t know my favorite color and that i know yours, or that I’m not telling you cause I’m curious how far you’ll get >.< ouch!

annaphuti 6:56 pm
(6:56:51 PM):     xD fer sher!
(6:56:56 PM):     hahaha lets do this!
(6:57:01 PM):     gay blue lmfao xD
Axie Acosta 6:57 pm
(6:57:05 PM):     HAHAHA.
(6:57:06 PM):     ohmygod!
(6:57:11 PM):     you’re still stuck on that.
(6:57:12 PM):     (:
(6:57:14 PM):     i love you.
annaphuti 6:57 pm
(6:57:14 PM):     xD yes!
Axie Acosta 6:57 pm
(6:57:15 PM):     xD
(6:57:18 PM):     LOL XD
annaphuti 6:57 pm
(6:57:24 PM):     its sooo like gay blue!
Axie Acosta 6:57 pm
(6:57:29 PM):     LOLOLOL~
(6:57:30 PM):     hahaha.
annaphuti 6:57 pm
(6:57:32 PM):     its now become and adjective :p h
(6:57:35 PM):     an*
Axie Acosta 6:57 pm
(6:57:36 PM):     when i see you i’m gonna be like.
(6:57:46 PM):     ANNA! look at the sky! it’s so gay blue!xD
annaphuti 6:57 pm
(6:57:57 PM):     xD then ima be like you’re gay blue xD
    
Axie Acosta 6:58 pm
(6:58:10 PM):     then justin will be like wtf.
(6:58:12 PM):     hahhaha (:
annaphuti 6:58 pm
(6:58:21 PM):     then we’ll be like loser :] bwahahha
Axie Acosta 6:58 pm
(6:58:26 PM):     HAAA (:
(6:58:40 PM):     daang. we’ve been planning all these conversations..yet they never happen!
(6:58:42 PM):     POOPOOYOU.
(6:58:47 PM):     yes. i want you to poo poo!
(6:58:48 PM):     :D h
annaphuti 6:58 pm
(6:58:52 PM):     xD lmfao

Brain scan, I’m scared as hell.

Too be honest a majority of me wishes that everything is alright, but the minority part of me wishes that somethings wrong. My mind wanders and thinks what if and what not. Like would people even  care? Would I be missed? Or will I just be nothing? My insecurity is really getting to me. I honestly don’t know. I have that feeling where I want to run away again. I don’t need to this to cloud my head. I already have too much going on. 

I need prayers for my grandma. I need the leukemia to leave her body.

I need prayers for my grandpa. I need the cancer to leave his body.

I need prayers for Perry for him to be better and wake up.

I need prayers for my brother. He’s leaving to college soon.

I need Jaime to feel better. He means so much to me.

I need prayers for a bunch of things that are screwing with me right now.

I need to get out.

This shit is getting me sick. I want out. Please. Get me a ticket. I need to get away.

The one that I’ve failed the most was getting closer to God. I’ve been out so much and I haven’t had my time with him. I need to get back to that circle. I need to be dependent on him, not the world. I have to get back. The worst thing is that it’s going to be so hard getting back to where I once was because of my new school. That was one of my benefits at the Adventist school, the religion. I need to strive for him. I need to be back where I once was. I feel so undesired of him. I want to adore him. I want to learn more about you. I have to start this soon. Or else it’ll be too hard to get back to You.

A thousand times ive failed
still your mercy remains
And should i stumble again
im caught in your grace
Everlasting, 
Your light will shine when all else fades
Neverending,
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else 
my purpose remains
The art of loosing myself
in bringing you praise
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Neverendingr your glory goes beyond all fame

(chorus)
My heart and my soul, I give you control
To love you from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise, become my embrace
To love you from the inside out…

Your will above all else
my purpose remains, 
The art of loosing myself,
in bringing you praise
Everlasting,
Your light will shine when all else fades
Neverending, 
your glort goes beyond all fame

(chorus)

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades, 
Neverending your glory goes beyong all fame, 
and the cry of my heart is to bring you praise
from the inside out, lord my soul cries out…

My heart and my soul,
i give you control
consume me from the inside out lord,
Let justice and praise, 
become my embrace, 
to love you from the inside out

Evrlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades,
Neverending, your glory goes beyond all fame,
and the cry of my heart, is to bring you praise, from the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

I’m starting to notice the difference of how I talk to guys and girls. I rather talk to guys then girls cause they don’t judge like right off the bat, maybe for looks but personality wise its pretty chill. I talk to guys and start it off so much easier cause they try to keep up the convo and girls some people you have to keep that burden of trying to keep it up. Guys it’s like random shiet (: I don’t mind it. Hahah. I understand why people think I flirt with guys. Its cause I talk to them so much nicer than I do than girls >.< I give up on trying with girls if they don’t try to keep it up, it’s just boring. It’s not like I want to flirt with them. For me its just being nicer and wanting to get to know them but I don’t know if they take it that way. I’m going to try not to be all “flirty” and see what that’s like.

So yesterday I had a near death experience. Hahah my church youth and I went to Redondo Beach and the waves were amazingly strong and high. We swam pretty far out but I hadn’t noticed how far out we’ve been. Well by the time I realized it was beyond what I could take it was too late. My friend Aut tried to help me out by grabbing me and trying to swim and he ended up dunking my head in the water because there was a wave and I couldn’t get back up for air and when I did get up I just got pushed back down by the waves and I was too short to touch the bottom. As soon as I could I tried to look for Aut but by then, the wave had already pushed him back to shore so it was just me. So as the salt water kept filling up my lungs, the more I started to get tired and stop trying. I sorta blacked out for a few seconds because I was too tired, had no air, and had a panic attack. The next thing I remember was the life guard grabbing me and asking me if I was okay. As soon as I was able to touch the bottom I swam to shore and got out. I couldn’t take it anymore. But I realized so much more because we always say that life can end in a short time we never know we just say it but when you have a near death experience it really gets to you. I’m so happy that the life guard was there. Thanks God.<3

The way things used to be. Don’t get me wrong, right now is pretty amazing. But I miss the way things used to be…………I miss being a kid and melting crayons with the irons, and not being able to reach door knobs till I figured out how to climb :p I miss not knowing how complicated life is and just going by thinking that everything’s alright. Those moments were amazing.

Our years together was great.(: from being your mom to motres. To just being basketball buddies to classroom buddies(: and from innocent to dirty xD I will never forget my first discipline notice because I got that adrenaline rush from running away from the school xD and getting chased down by Ms. Jenson, Bertha, Mrs.&&Mr. Morgan and Ms. Blandon. Then telling Mr.&& Mrs. Mohr that we were just getting water x) Then going to the theaters at the Americana and getting in trouble for bringing in Jamba Juice then telling the security guard that we were going to the restroom and being followed by him then making a run out the other door into our theater :p going into Mrs. Takamune’s class laughing our butt’s off and getting yelled at for being too loud. Then her coming to our desks every 5 minutes trying to intimidate us and give us detention and take off citizenship xD then she just gave up :] then going to Algebra and sitting next to each other writing notes, explaining our boy problems, playing pin the tail on the Mr. Morgan, messing up your drawings, leaving dirty post it notes on your back and almost getting in trouble, being asked questions for math problems and saying wrong answers so he could explain the answer and we just get more time to goof off. Then making fun of Tyler&&Sean. x) All good hahha :] then going back to Bible with Mrs. Takamune and txting in her class(: hahah then history with Mr. V. and sleeping and passing notes between Devin and yelling stuff to the other side of the class(: then leaving for break and eating our butt’s out before Mrs. Pattens class then writing notes in that class then lunch and chillin in the band room :] then I would go to band for 6th&&7th grade x) and just sitting there asking you what note that is and just laughing and hitting each other with sticks :p then going to Science at Mrs. Takamune’s and just running to each others dress finishing our stories and talking bout your his face(: then reading at Mrs. G’s&& Mrs. Patten’s then basketball :] hahaha swim! :] so many more memories<3 Reminiscing is so amazing xD you’re and oxymoron! yeah well you’re an abhor :D hahha I love you dear :]

I’m attached to you.<3 I’m opening my heart to you. You’re one of the two people who I’m letting in.<3 I trust you.

So YOU officially made my day ;] my brother bought me clothes but this just totally beat that x) Audrey Tran, I’m gonna miss the shiet outta your white washed personality :] I’m going to miss you correcting my grammar and spelling, my blonde moments, finding out about oxymoron and abhor :] getting hurt. I gotta say though, 6th&&7th grade basketball was the best with you :] when you weren’t there I was bored out of my mind. This year was good too :] hahah doing the swim and all. I’m going to miss your pro lay ups and you laughing at me cause I couldn’t make lay ups cause I never learned :p until after that is :p && making fun of your locker and your orange kid medicine. I’m going to miss pigging out with you at our lockers and getting scared when Mr. V. comes xD Our boy talks and stuff. OUR THIGH SLAPPING :D OHMY! :D Thanks to you my thighs are prone to slapping<3 THANKS :D I will always miss that. We must plan to see each other :] So many other things dear :] I will miss your sniffy stickers! :D hahah<3 i’ll miss tons :] I love you Audrey Tran no homo :] OH ONE MORE THING :D YOU SLAPPING ME WHEN I SAY SOMETHING DIRTY OR GIVE YOU A DIRTY LOOK XD and laughing in class and getting yelled at.<3

:D you make me so happy. You keep me together when I fall apart. People say I’m too young to know what love is. But the way you make me feel and everything, it’s amazing. I don’t care what people say about us, you make me feel complete. We’ll go through things and it’ll be tough but I think we’ll make it :] we’ll talk things out and we’ll find a solution. I love you babe(:

My ex-boyfriend is my bestie :D hahah that sounds gay, best friend. :D Though we couldn’t work out as being lovers I can lean on him and everything. We’ve gone through good, crappy, and funny times. He knows me inside out. He knows how I act, when to bother me if I’m looking down, how and when to cheer me up, and hes the closest to knowing everything about me because he knows my family. I must say I’m surrounded by amazing people.<3 God’s given such a great chance. 

If it’s the worst possibility that haunts you then you’re worrying too much about whatever it is, it’s all in your head. <3 i love your advice.

dive for dreams

or a slogan may topple you

(trees are their roots

and wind is wind)

trust your heart

if the seas catch fire

(and live by love

though the stars walk backward)

honour the past

but welcome the future

(and dance your death

away at the wedding)

never mind a world

with its villains or heroes

(for good likes girls

and tomorrow and the earth)

in spite of everything

which breathes and moves, since Doom

(with white longest hands

neating each crease)

will smooth entirely our minds

-before leaving my room

i turn, and (stooping

through the morning) kiss

this pillow, dear

where our heads lived and were.

silently if, out of not knowable

silently if, out of not knowable

night’s utmost nothing,wanders a little guess

(only which is this world)more my life does

not leap than with the mystery your smile

sings or if(spiralling as luminous

they climb oblivion)voices who are dreams,

less into heaven certainly earth swims

than each my deeper death becomes your kiss

losing through you what seemed myself,i find

selves unimaginably mine;beyond

sorrow’s own joys and hoping’s very fears

yours is the light by which my spirit’s born:

yours is the darkness of my soul’s return

-you are my sun,my moon,and all my stars

This is what is going on in my mind. Seeing you todai in the morning and getting along so easily with people makes me scared. Because now I know for sure that a new girl or something is gonna fall for you. And knowing this, you might fall back cause she’s there and I’m not. And I don’t want to be a burden if that happens…..I honestly think I fell too hard. I don’t want this to come off as clingy or attached but this is what worries me. I mean look, its YOU. Kind, cute, musically talented, dances, and so much more. I don’t know what to do. When you see this, I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you straight up. That’s why I was so off todai. I don’t want to tell you cause I see this as attached and clingy. IDK :/ education over being with you. I honestly wish i didn’t choose it but my mom and my mind is right. Its more important right now. But my heart doesn’t see that.